- NARRATOR
- Starring Kari Haley as Sarah Brunel.
- SARAH
- Why did I ever complain about those assignments when we were out in the middle of nowhere? Being stuck in the classroom with a bunch of embarrassingly incompetent trainees is so much worse!
- NARRATOR
- And Miranda Thomas as Taya Ray Parsec.
- TAYA RAY
- And teaching the history and theory of terraforming is such a snooze – I can hardly stay awake myself, even when I’m the one teaching!
- NARRATOR
- And featuring Nick Edwards as Mr Spall.
- MR SPALL
- This will serve you right for trying to cheat on the last test! You try anything like that again and you’ll never leave Black Rock!
- NARRATOR
- Episode number 15 – Appointment with Doom
Location: In the classroom. Some background noise – a fly buzzing, a chair creaking, some gentle snoring.
- SARAH
- […] and that was how we discovered that the Baker-Bendis theory of meteorological levelling did not, uh, hold water, so to speak. Any questions?
Silence, but for the noises previously mentioned.
- SARAH
- I’ll take that as a “no” then. (With a sigh) Class dismissed.
Background noise increases as chairs scrape, people start talking, the door opens, etc.
- SARAH
- Taya Ray, do you think anyone was listening?
- TAYA RAY
- (Clearly Taya Ray wasn’t listening for one…) Hm, sorry?
- SARAH
- Never mind, I think I have my answer. Well, one down, how many of these lectures to go?
- TAYA RAY
- Nine. We’ve still got more than five centuries to cover.
- SARAH
- Fantastic. (beat) I don’t know why we have to start so far back – pretty much everything we’re supposed to cover in the first half of the course was obsolete before humanity even left Earth-that-was! It wouldn’t surprise me if Mr Spall added that part just to punish us even more.
- TAYA RAY
- Well, it looks pretty black outside. Let’s just get back to the dorm before it starts to—
Clap of thunder. Rain starts to fall.
- TAYA RAY
- —rain. Arrgh! The whole ‘verse is against us!
- SARAH
- It’s not raining frogs, is it? That would be about right.
Door opens and sounds of storm get louder.
- SARAH
- Let’s wait until it passes. No sense in sitting in that leaky van and getting rained all over when there’s no rush to get back.
Door closes and sounds of storm get quieter, but continue over the rest of the scene.
- TAYA RAY
- Yeah, it’s not like we have a social life to get back for or anything. I thought where we trained was pretty bleak, but it had nothing on this place.
- SARAH
- Have you ever been to a penal moon?
- TAYA RAY
- No. Have you?
- SARAH
- No, but I’m starting to wonder whether even a penal moon could be more depressing than this rock.
- TAYA RAY
- (A crazy idea is beginning to form…) Maybe this place is a prison and we just don’t know it!
- SARAH
- (Incredulously.) Taya Ray, what are you on?!
- TAYA RAY
- No, wait, hear me out. Do you want to leave here?
- SARAH
- Of course I do!
- TAYA RAY
- Are there any shuttles based here that are capable of breaking atmo?
- SARAH
- Well, no, but—
- TAYA RAY
- So, you want to leave, but you can’t. Sounds like a prison to me!
- SARAH
- Ok, fair point. A crazy point, but, yes, a fair one.
- TAYA RAY
- (Excitedly, getting even more carried away now.) Or maybe we died and this is some kind of special hell for terraformers who destroy their boss’s new shuttle!
- SARAH
- (Weary, with a sigh.) Come back to the reservation, Taya Ray. We’re still alive. We’re just stuck with a rotten assignment for now. At least we know things can’t get any worse though.
Musical cue to indicate passing of time.
Location: In the classroom. Door opens as next line is spoken. The rains sounds are now very gentle.
- SARAH
- It’s just about stopped. We might as well go now.
Footsteps through puddles as Sarah and Taya Ray make their way over to the van. These sounds can overlap with the following lines.
- TAYA RAY
- Oh look, I’ve never noticed that river before!
- SARAH
- That’s not a river, Taya Ray. That’s the road back to the dorm.
- TAYA RAY
- Oh. Wow. I’m suddenly grateful for our leaky old van.
Van doors open and close. Location: In the van.
- SARAH
- Leaky is the word. There’s almost as much water in here as there is outside.
Sarah starts the van and they drive off.
- TAYA RAY
- Oh, look, we’ve got a wave from Mr Spall.
Beeps for start of wave.
- MR SPALL
- (Recorded voice. Perfunctorily.) Brunel, Parsec. After your class today, you need to pick up an important package at the junction on your way back to the dorm. Don’t be late.
- SARAH
- Well, we are late, naturally, but he doesn’t need to know that.
- TAYA RAY
- Why is there a package waiting for us in the middle of nowhere and why would it matter if we were late picking it up?
- SARAH
- Those are both fair questions, Taya Ray. Let’s just hope the package is waterproof.
- TAYA RAY
- Oh, I can see it already. That must be one big package. No, wait, it’s not a package, it’s a person. A very wet person.
- SARAH
- Oh no, the profile looks horribly familiar. The nose, that gut, those chins… An “important package” to pick up? It couldn’t be…? (With rising panic.) It is!
- TAYA RAY
- (Also with panic.) You’re right— (Cuts herself off mid sentence.) Watch out for that puddle, you’re going to—
Big splash as van drives through puddle and then comes to a stop. Then the sound of a window being wound down.
- MR SPALL
- (Spluttering, livid.) Where the ruttin’ hell have you two been?!